Monday, June 6, 2016

I Can't be the only one...

Am I at the top, am I at the bottom... have I worked this hard and this long for people to condescend to me and pretend that my work means nothing... to pat me on the head and say, "Keep trying dear and someday you might make something of yourself."

I'm the only one that can talk to me that way.  I'm the only one who is allowed to disrespect me.  I am my worst critic and harshest eye.  Please, don't forget that.

With that said, please tell me ways that i can become a better artist.  Bathe me in your judgement, analysis, appraisal... Really, am I worth anything??  And the most important question, "Am I wasting my time?"

My two year old is upset because... it's just too much to explain why a two year old cries... and when I would get done explaining it... you would be bored.

Any guy artist I know has a league of followers telling them how wonderful they are... they have cheerleading squads of women who want to bask in their artistic glow... to hang on their arm as they enter an art opening.  They want to be seen with the artist... they want to be the artist's muse.  They want to pose naked--even if he's an abstract expressionist.  They want his power.  I wish I knew female artists who demanded such an audience of doting meat heads. I don't.  Do you?

The closest thing I have had to bliss is having someone that I respected tell me that my art was amazing, profound, that i was the best artist in my city.  He made up for every lack of confidence that I let drip out of my mouth like poison honey.

I wish I had the confidence.  I wish I wasn't alone.

Confidence or not... I continue on.


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